Being curious within your marriage can be a great thing. Healthy curiosity demonstrates interest, concern, and fascination for one’s spouse and relationship. It communicates that you’re paying attention and involved. On a deeper level, being curious can send these messages:
· I am captivated by you.
· I care, and I care about you.
· I find you interesting.
· I want to know things about you.
In a Great Marriage, these are great messages; they fan the flames of love and life together.
Always in dating – or at the beginning of relationship– there is curiosity. Life is peppered with questions, comments, and observations such as, “Why do you eat ketchup on scrambled eggs? Or “How much shampoo do you use?” While some questions are more necessary than others, each echo an interest and an investment in the other.
As time progresses and a knowing and understanding increases, curiosity can wane. And, unintentionally, either spouse can interpret the decrease in interest negatively. Perceived messages that echo of a lack of concern, boredom, or apathy can commence. Examples are:
· I am bored with you.
· I don’t care.
· What is happening to you is not important to me.
· You do not matter.
In a Great Marriage, those are very poor messages; they quench the flames of love and life together.
Here are some key points and pointers when it comes to Great Marriage curiosity:
1) One never knows everything there is to know about one’s spouse, because people (and the world around us) are always changing. John and I have frequent conversations about “new things”; things that we could not have discussed even a year ago.
2) Healthy curiosity is not the same as snooping, sneaky behavior, or spying. Don’t confuse the two. And don’t play dumb.
3) Avoid using curiosity to play communication games. Don’t hoodwink your spouse in the guise of being curious.
4) Ask healthy questions. Be an observer within your relationship.
5) Do not let boredom take root. Treat it like an unwelcome, toxic weed in your marriage.
6) Listen. Listen. Listen. Pay attention and give you spouse attention.
7) Share. Share the details of decisions, choices, and changes. If you stop eating ketchup on your scrambled eggs, talk about the reason behind the decision.
8) Let your heart be captivated by your amazing spouse. Ask the Holy Spirit to renew in you a passion to know your spouse with a loving, invested interest.
In Great Marriage, couples look forward to growing old together. They never tire or grow bored with the details of the other’s life. They believe that the story ahead is full of new pages and chapters – exciting, great ones.
Blessings,
Jo
Questions to Consider and Discussion:
What was the last “new thing” you learned about your spouse? And what is something “new” about you that you’d like to teach?
How could healthy curiosity within your relationship positively shape your marriage?
Is your communication peppered with attention, interest, or concern for the other – in both the big details and the small ones?
Have you recognized the toxic nature of boredom, apathy, or disinterest, and what steps have you taken to radically remove this from your marriage?
