Off Limits

In marital counseling, we often see an invisible, but clear “Off Limits” sign placed over an issue within the relationship. The sign – it’s placement, usefulness, and removal – are often where we do work.

It’s hard to address an issue that you’ve labeled as “Off Limits”. Effective problem solving and/or growth and healing are stymied by a decision to stop discussing an issue. In Great Marriage, communication is necessary, and issues cannot be accurately dealt with by avoiding conversations.

Multiple factors lead to the placement of an “Off Limits” sign. Factors such as pain, disrespect, damaging conflict, fear, guilt, embarrassment, and shame lead couples to think that stopping the communication can stop the damage. It never works that way. Most often the issue gets bigger and more complicated in silence. As one person wants to talk and the other doesn’t, the couple can feel divided. As the issue goes unaddressed, a sense of despair can creep into the marriage.

If you have placed an “Off Limits” sign over an issue in your marriage…